This year, from here

Jan 30, 2018

 

I feel like a base jumper

 

after running to the edge of a cliff

 

(an unknown)

 

and leaping off

 

in the moments before the utter silence and freedom of freefall.

My heart is still pounding from the effort

not yet accustomed to the ease.

Somewhere in between.  Liminal.

 

For the last five years, I’ve had a vision

that has slowly developed, like an image held up to the light in a shadowy blackroom.

Albeit slowly, the vision that appeared was vigorous, vibrant.

 

It started on the dining room table, all post-it notes and big dreams.

 

It was forged on late nights and early mornings,

on mothering while coaching while being a full-time employee while attending births while writing while cutting my teeth as an entrepreneur

while experimenting and failing and trying again and figuring out and bootstrapping.

The vision wanted so badly to become reality that it asked us to upturn our lives

to re-evaluate what really mattered

to get rid of pants that don’t fit and ideals that were more socially-constructed than

you know, us.  (that “a” word again:  authentic).

 

And now, there’s this.

 

I’m back at the dining room table.

Post-it notes everywhere.

Writing, still.  (always)

In my small bungalow by the ocean

where I don’t have to work so hard to pay the mortgage

and other women to look after my kids

where I can notice the chickadees at the bird feeder.

 

My heart is still pounding from the effort

 

not yet accustomed to what it means to be here yet.

 

I have been approaching my intentions for this year with steadfastness and reverence and a great many long, thoughtful pauses.

I’ve been living by a word of the year, and ways of being, for four years now,

and being an actualizer at heart,

I cannot take these things lightly.

Because so often, like it or not, if I declare it, I will make it be

come hell or high water.

(it’s a blessing and a curse, y’all).

 

This year, in my personal life and my business, I’m honouring what it is to be in freefall.  

I’m either done with the hustle, or it’s done with me.

I’m happy where I am.

It’s enough.

For once – ever – I don’t have a lot of “goals” I want to accomplish.

It’s a juicy and desperately uncomfortable place to be, all at once.

 

My word of the year is JOY.

 

This is not the ebullient kind of joy, I don’t think, but it does have its own radiance.  It’s more of a steadfast, slightly fierce joy, that just keeps. showing. up.  In the smell of freshly baked cookies or a full client roster or a parenting win or just not going to bed at night without taking a deep breath.

 

My ways of being are to TEND and to be WILD and BRAVE.

 

It is to both attend to my own needs – for many gulps of fresh water and fresh air, for movement and connection and stillness and peeing when I have to pee (amiright?), and to be connected to the trees and the ocean where I live, to mystery and full moons and sisterhood and the occasional adventure.  And to be brave:  oh, this is not about being bold or fearless, no.  This is to be me, in ways and in a world where it takes a certain grit to show up as I am and not wish to be any different.

 

In my work, I crave DEPTH, and MASTERY.

 

It is time for me to claim.  To step out of experimentation and not-knowing and self-doubt and scarcity and into confidence.  Depth, not breadth.  Conviction, not comparison.  You guys, I’m going to fucking OWN IT this year.  

 

My ways of being in my work are SIGNIFICANCE and EASE.  Oh, and more of that BRAVE stuff.

 

I want it to feel easy, and I want everything I do and everything I offer to be significant.  All at the same time, not one without the other.  It’s about being oh-so-clear about what I’m here for, and showing up to do that work, every day, every way.  No more, no less.  Unapologetic.  Steadfast.

 

As I read the words I just wrote

 

(because I show up here for catharsis just as much as expression)

 

in my year, I stand like a tree.

 

Deep roots.

So deep.

Solid on the ground

but not being afraid to bend to the wind

Honouring incubation, birth, blossoming, harvest, death and rebirth.

 

Oh yes.

 

This year, I will be a tree.

The Becoming Podcast has been on a short hiatus while I focus on writing my book, but oh what a comeback episode I have for you!

This month, I spoke to Toko-pa Turner, who many of you may know as the unofficial patron saint of many of my circles and gatherings because of the sheer number of times I’ve quoted from the wisdom of her book, Belonging.

Toko-pa is a Canadian author, teacher, and dreamworker. Blending the mystical teachings of Sufism in which she was raised with a Jungian approach to dreams, she founded The Dream School in 2001, from which thousands of students have graduated. She is the author of the award-winning book, Belonging: Remembering Ourselves Home, which explores the themes of exile and belonging through the lens of dreams, mythology, and nature. This book has resonated for readers worldwide, and has been translated into 10 different languages so far. Her work focuses on the relationship between psyche and nature, and how to follow our inner wisdom to meet with the social, psychological, and ecological challenges of our time.

Here’s some of what Toko-pa and I talk about in this episode:

> The dream that changed Toko-pa’s life, causing her to question her career and, ultimately, her identity

> How we can court our dreams to support us during times of radical transformation – and the reasons so many of us have a hard time remembering and working with what shows up in our dreamscape

> Toko-pa’s perspective on the message of Belonging after the divisiveness our society has experienced in the years since it was published

> What happened for both Toko-pa and I when we fell out of belonging from the ideologies of the “wellness world”

> How to build community when you’re under-resourced

> “The Big Lie” when it comes to belonging, and how we can reclaim a sense of belonging to the greater family of things, as Mary Oliver so famously wrote

Listen to the episode on iTunes

 

Show Notes

Toko-pa’s Website

Belonging:  Remembering Ourselves Home, Toko-pa’s book

The David Abram video about animism mentioned in the interview

Toko-pa’s self-guided program, Dream Drops

Companion, the program that accompanies Belonging

 

Also, while you’re at it, if you enjoy The Becoming Podcast, I would be so grateful if you would rate and review, and even subscribe to it on iTunes.  That goes a long way to helping more and more people find and benefit from hearing these interviews!  Thank you so much!