The Primal Scream

May 15, 2018

It starts in my fingertips


an energy that shoots up into my forearms, retracting muscles and drawing my fingers up into fists


it flies up to my shoulders

and they jerk up toward my earlobes as if magnetized;

the effort leaves me trembling.


The sinew in my neck bulges


as too-big energy passes through

strategically-placed filters

First, it squeezes through Not Right Now

and more easily bypasses Not Here.

It jumps the hurdles of Not Ladylike and What Will People Think

and before I know it

my Primal Scream


rattles my teeth

and my ears, the faces of the people around me, the pillow I’ve used to dampen the sound

reveal their shock at my outpouring.


I hosted a gathering of women on the Spring Equinox, not long ago, and the conversation quickly turned to Anger.

We nodded thoughtfully as we each considered how we might

deal with it

quell it

avoid impacting others with it


And then one woman said

I’ve started screaming.


I sighed with relief, and recounted the many, many times my frustration, anger, confusion or desperation has erupted from me in ways I often admonished myself for.

As women, we are comfortable with our tears

and even these salty rivulets are still too-often labelled

Too Much

Out of Control

And yet

What of our rage?


What of this end of the spectrum of our emotions?

What it we weren’t to judge it as

too loud


Not Allowed

and just allowed ourselves to feel it?

What if we, in doing so, taught ourselves and others how to be with our most difficult,

least socially acceptable,

and yet fully human feelings?


Is there a primal scream inside you that’s aching to be released?


What would happen if you would allow it?

The Becoming Podcast has been on a short hiatus while I focus on writing my book, but oh what a comeback episode I have for you!

This month, I spoke to Toko-pa Turner, who many of you may know as the unofficial patron saint of many of my circles and gatherings because of the sheer number of times I’ve quoted from the wisdom of her book, Belonging.

Toko-pa is a Canadian author, teacher, and dreamworker. Blending the mystical teachings of Sufism in which she was raised with a Jungian approach to dreams, she founded The Dream School in 2001, from which thousands of students have graduated. She is the author of the award-winning book, Belonging: Remembering Ourselves Home, which explores the themes of exile and belonging through the lens of dreams, mythology, and nature. This book has resonated for readers worldwide, and has been translated into 10 different languages so far. Her work focuses on the relationship between psyche and nature, and how to follow our inner wisdom to meet with the social, psychological, and ecological challenges of our time.

Here’s some of what Toko-pa and I talk about in this episode:

> The dream that changed Toko-pa’s life, causing her to question her career and, ultimately, her identity

> How we can court our dreams to support us during times of radical transformation – and the reasons so many of us have a hard time remembering and working with what shows up in our dreamscape

> Toko-pa’s perspective on the message of Belonging after the divisiveness our society has experienced in the years since it was published

> What happened for both Toko-pa and I when we fell out of belonging from the ideologies of the “wellness world”

> How to build community when you’re under-resourced

> “The Big Lie” when it comes to belonging, and how we can reclaim a sense of belonging to the greater family of things, as Mary Oliver so famously wrote

Listen to the episode on iTunes


Show Notes

Toko-pa’s Website

Belonging:  Remembering Ourselves Home, Toko-pa’s book

The David Abram video about animism mentioned in the interview

Toko-pa’s self-guided program, Dream Drops

Companion, the program that accompanies Belonging


Also, while you’re at it, if you enjoy The Becoming Podcast, I would be so grateful if you would rate and review, and even subscribe to it on iTunes.  That goes a long way to helping more and more people find and benefit from hearing these interviews!  Thank you so much!