The Primal Scream

May 15, 2018

It starts in my fingertips

 

an energy that shoots up into my forearms, retracting muscles and drawing my fingers up into fists

 

it flies up to my shoulders

and they jerk up toward my earlobes as if magnetized;

the effort leaves me trembling.

 

The sinew in my neck bulges

 

as too-big energy passes through

strategically-placed filters

First, it squeezes through Not Right Now

and more easily bypasses Not Here.

It jumps the hurdles of Not Ladylike and What Will People Think

and before I know it

my Primal Scream

 

rattles my teeth

and my ears, the faces of the people around me, the pillow I’ve used to dampen the sound

reveal their shock at my outpouring.

 

I hosted a gathering of women on the Spring Equinox, not long ago, and the conversation quickly turned to Anger.

We nodded thoughtfully as we each considered how we might

deal with it

quell it

avoid impacting others with it

 

And then one woman said

I’ve started screaming.

 

I sighed with relief, and recounted the many, many times my frustration, anger, confusion or desperation has erupted from me in ways I often admonished myself for.

As women, we are comfortable with our tears

and even these salty rivulets are still too-often labelled

Too Much

Out of Control

And yet

What of our rage?

 

What of this end of the spectrum of our emotions?

What it we weren’t to judge it as

too loud

petty

Not Allowed

and just allowed ourselves to feel it?

What if we, in doing so, taught ourselves and others how to be with our most difficult,

least socially acceptable,

and yet fully human feelings?

 

Is there a primal scream inside you that’s aching to be released?

 

What would happen if you would allow it?