The part of goal setting everyone overlooks

Jan 3, 2017



Here we are again…it’s hard not to get swept up in the hype of the transition into a New Year.

Perhaps you’re not a resolution-setter.  Perhaps you’re not even much of a goal-setter at all.

If you’re like me, you much prefer the word intention:  no less powerful and get with so much more give and take for failure and learning.

Perhaps also, September is your new January.

(I hear ya)

But nevertheless, as you’re scanning social media this week, you’re bound to be caught up, captivated at least a little, in the grandiose actions that others are taking.  No sugar / green juice, No screen time / more books, No alcohol / more piety, you know.  

But there’s one thing people often miss when they’re striving.


Striving cannot result in success unless it is matched by spaciousness.


Spaciousness is the yin to striving’s yang.

It’s the counterbalance.  The layer of care-taking and silence that

even though it may seem, at the time, to stop your striving – all your progress toward your big dreams – in its tracks

it is actually where all the action happens.


(you thought your to-do lists, your late nights and your hustle were what it took to make this happen, didn’t you?)

Spaciousness is


that moment, in the shower, when you’re shampooing your hair and the sound of the water has just begun to erase your logical thought process…and a brilliant idea tumbles over you.

taking a long walk in the woods and allowing the trees to hear your thoughts, the rocks to absorb your worries.

unplugging for the weekend so the squeals of your children are more thrilling than annoying.

looking out windows

nursing giant cups of tea

not just hearing silence but being silence

staring into roaring fires

knitting / painting / doodling



How can you build spaciousness into your life as a way to support your striving this year?

The Becoming Podcast has been on a short hiatus while I focus on writing my book, but oh what a comeback episode I have for you!

This month, I spoke to Toko-pa Turner, who many of you may know as the unofficial patron saint of many of my circles and gatherings because of the sheer number of times I’ve quoted from the wisdom of her book, Belonging.

Toko-pa is a Canadian author, teacher, and dreamworker. Blending the mystical teachings of Sufism in which she was raised with a Jungian approach to dreams, she founded The Dream School in 2001, from which thousands of students have graduated. She is the author of the award-winning book, Belonging: Remembering Ourselves Home, which explores the themes of exile and belonging through the lens of dreams, mythology, and nature. This book has resonated for readers worldwide, and has been translated into 10 different languages so far. Her work focuses on the relationship between psyche and nature, and how to follow our inner wisdom to meet with the social, psychological, and ecological challenges of our time.

Here’s some of what Toko-pa and I talk about in this episode:

> The dream that changed Toko-pa’s life, causing her to question her career and, ultimately, her identity

> How we can court our dreams to support us during times of radical transformation – and the reasons so many of us have a hard time remembering and working with what shows up in our dreamscape

> Toko-pa’s perspective on the message of Belonging after the divisiveness our society has experienced in the years since it was published

> What happened for both Toko-pa and I when we fell out of belonging from the ideologies of the “wellness world”

> How to build community when you’re under-resourced

> “The Big Lie” when it comes to belonging, and how we can reclaim a sense of belonging to the greater family of things, as Mary Oliver so famously wrote

Listen to the episode on iTunes


Show Notes

Toko-pa’s Website

Belonging:  Remembering Ourselves Home, Toko-pa’s book

The David Abram video about animism mentioned in the interview

Toko-pa’s self-guided program, Dream Drops

Companion, the program that accompanies Belonging


Also, while you’re at it, if you enjoy The Becoming Podcast, I would be so grateful if you would rate and review, and even subscribe to it on iTunes.  That goes a long way to helping more and more people find and benefit from hearing these interviews!  Thank you so much!