Resilient Self-Care

Jan 26, 2016

Resilient Self Care |
The topic of self care comes up all the time in my coaching practice, my doula practice, and in my own personal life.


Somehow, it always seems miraculously surprising, both to myself and to my clients, that the first step in feeling like a centred, connected mother, or launching a brave new business, or relating more deeply to your partner, is almost always self-care.  No matter what clients come for support with – from breastfeeding to streamlining their work flow – usually one of my first questions is

“What does your self care look like right now?”


Why is this, anyways?

I think, to put it simply, if a little metaphysically, we need energy to do everything we do.  It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about nuts-and-bolts nutritional energy or the harder-to-grasp psychic energy that allows us to feel calm in the middle of the various storms raging around us in our lives.  If you’re expending more energy than you’re taking in you’re fucked.  You’re starving yourself of the vital life force you need to survive.

I had a fascinating conversation about this with a group of wise women a couple months back.  We all nodded our heads and murmured things about hot baths, meditating in the mornings, and finally getting around to having that girls night.

And, as you can guess, that murmuring was followed up swiftly with the next murmurings we all recite so often:  if only I had the time; just an hour to myself is all I’d need…maybe my partner could take the kids and I could pump a bottle and the neighbour could walk the dog and I could bake some muffins to make sure they had something to snack on and…and…and….

And just like that, self-care turns into a monumental challenge.


Let’s do ourselves a huge favour, and explore resilient self-care.


Resilient self care is the kind that you can do right now, in the eye of the hurricane, that makes you feel centred and calmed, strong and loved.

It’s not to say that more involved rituals of self-care aren’t important, but that doing something is better than nothing.

What could you do right now that fills your cup?  Maybe you close your eyes and take ten deep breaths.  Maybe you have a mantra that you can repeat that feels reassuring and loving.  Maybe you have a physical reminder to yourself, like a piece of rose quartz in your pocket or a mala around your neck, that, when touched, invites the possibility of peace, surrender, and slowing the heck down.

Your turn:
What is your self-care “go-to” practice?
What do you need most right now?
What will you do to create a practice of resilient self care this week?

The Becoming Podcast has been on a short hiatus while I focus on writing my book, but oh what a comeback episode I have for you!

This month, I spoke to Toko-pa Turner, who many of you may know as the unofficial patron saint of many of my circles and gatherings because of the sheer number of times I’ve quoted from the wisdom of her book, Belonging.

Toko-pa is a Canadian author, teacher, and dreamworker. Blending the mystical teachings of Sufism in which she was raised with a Jungian approach to dreams, she founded The Dream School in 2001, from which thousands of students have graduated. She is the author of the award-winning book, Belonging: Remembering Ourselves Home, which explores the themes of exile and belonging through the lens of dreams, mythology, and nature. This book has resonated for readers worldwide, and has been translated into 10 different languages so far. Her work focuses on the relationship between psyche and nature, and how to follow our inner wisdom to meet with the social, psychological, and ecological challenges of our time.

Here’s some of what Toko-pa and I talk about in this episode:

> The dream that changed Toko-pa’s life, causing her to question her career and, ultimately, her identity

> How we can court our dreams to support us during times of radical transformation – and the reasons so many of us have a hard time remembering and working with what shows up in our dreamscape

> Toko-pa’s perspective on the message of Belonging after the divisiveness our society has experienced in the years since it was published

> What happened for both Toko-pa and I when we fell out of belonging from the ideologies of the “wellness world”

> How to build community when you’re under-resourced

> “The Big Lie” when it comes to belonging, and how we can reclaim a sense of belonging to the greater family of things, as Mary Oliver so famously wrote

Listen to the episode on iTunes


Show Notes

Toko-pa’s Website

Belonging:  Remembering Ourselves Home, Toko-pa’s book

The David Abram video about animism mentioned in the interview

Toko-pa’s self-guided program, Dream Drops

Companion, the program that accompanies Belonging


Also, while you’re at it, if you enjoy The Becoming Podcast, I would be so grateful if you would rate and review, and even subscribe to it on iTunes.  That goes a long way to helping more and more people find and benefit from hearing these interviews!  Thank you so much!