On Vulnerability and Learning

May 18, 2015

On Vulnerability and Learning | www.nalumana.com

As adults, I find that we rarely purposefully create discomfort or unease in our lives. We can go years without putting ourselves in that very vulnerable place of learning something new, being in a situation that scares us, or exploring the unknown with no way to predict what might happen. In my work, I see women fighting with the inevitability of the unknown in birth: for many, not knowing what will happen during the course of their labour and birth and not knowing whether they will achieve the outcomes they had hoped for is enough to send them into the throes of in-depth contingency planning or panic, or both.

Unlike in our childhood, when we knew so little about the world and every day had the potential to hold an earth-rocking life lesson, from toilet training to reading to getting a first job, adults rarely step out of what we know and into that place of learning and growth. It’s really scary, actually, because after a while we have a pretty good sense of confidence that we can successfully go about our day, making ourselves food to eat, driving our cars to work, doing our jobs, coming home and being with family and friends, and repeating that process the next day.

There is great vulnerability in stepping into the unknown; thrusting ourselves into unfamiliar territory. Having taught adult swimming lessons for years and then scuba diving for many more after that, I regularly encountered people who had decided to be in that space of learning something new as an adult. Trust me, there is nothing more vulnerable than learning how to swim as an adult, when it is harder to learn balance and movement in the water, and when the instinctual fear of drowning gathers power with over-thinking and analysis.

There’s a lot of power to be gained, though, in practicing our ability to grow beyond our comfort zones. I was reminded of this when I took my motorcycle training course last year. I was scared, and tentative, doing something I had never done before, and doing it in front of all these tough guys in leather jackets. There wasn’t a lot of room for my insecurities, and so I packed them away and got on with it. I wobbled and stalled the bike and creeped over gravel patches. My stomach flipped and flopped and I did the skills poorly four or five times before getting the hang of them. My ego was somewhere back at home or at work, where I usually know what I’m doing, and I was driving around a parking lot, firmly rooted in the vulnerability of personal growth.

I hope I don’t forget to make a habit of throwing myself into the unknown, be it by trying a new recipe or a new skill or a new way of life. I think that the more I do it, the more confident I will be that I can find my way through all that newness, unknown, and vulnerability, and come out the other side a little stronger, a little more self-aware, and maybe a little better.

When was the last time you learned something totally new to you?  How did it feel?

The Becoming Podcast has been on a short hiatus while I focus on writing my book, but oh what a comeback episode I have for you!

This month, I spoke to Toko-pa Turner, who many of you may know as the unofficial patron saint of many of my circles and gatherings because of the sheer number of times I’ve quoted from the wisdom of her book, Belonging.

Toko-pa is a Canadian author, teacher, and dreamworker. Blending the mystical teachings of Sufism in which she was raised with a Jungian approach to dreams, she founded The Dream School in 2001, from which thousands of students have graduated. She is the author of the award-winning book, Belonging: Remembering Ourselves Home, which explores the themes of exile and belonging through the lens of dreams, mythology, and nature. This book has resonated for readers worldwide, and has been translated into 10 different languages so far. Her work focuses on the relationship between psyche and nature, and how to follow our inner wisdom to meet with the social, psychological, and ecological challenges of our time.

Here’s some of what Toko-pa and I talk about in this episode:

> The dream that changed Toko-pa’s life, causing her to question her career and, ultimately, her identity

> How we can court our dreams to support us during times of radical transformation – and the reasons so many of us have a hard time remembering and working with what shows up in our dreamscape

> Toko-pa’s perspective on the message of Belonging after the divisiveness our society has experienced in the years since it was published

> What happened for both Toko-pa and I when we fell out of belonging from the ideologies of the “wellness world”

> How to build community when you’re under-resourced

> “The Big Lie” when it comes to belonging, and how we can reclaim a sense of belonging to the greater family of things, as Mary Oliver so famously wrote

Listen to the episode on iTunes


Show Notes

Toko-pa’s Website

Belonging:  Remembering Ourselves Home, Toko-pa’s book

The David Abram video about animism mentioned in the interview

Toko-pa’s self-guided program, Dream Drops

Companion, the program that accompanies Belonging


Also, while you’re at it, if you enjoy The Becoming Podcast, I would be so grateful if you would rate and review, and even subscribe to it on iTunes.  That goes a long way to helping more and more people find and benefit from hearing these interviews!  Thank you so much!