busy chaotic scattered overwhelming unsettled uncertain ungrounded stressed

Nov 29, 2016

If only... | www.nalumana.com


A few weeks ago, I did a survey asking you, my adored readers and followers, a few questions.


One of these questions asked about the current state of affairs in your life, and the second question asked 

“if you could wave a magic wand and be on the ‘other side’ of the transformation you are seeking or going through, what would life look like for the new you?”

Your responses were so familiar to me.  They echoed with a truth I’ve known all too well, and resonated with the stories I hear from the women I work with every day.

If only you could see the words – the actual words – that each individual woman used to describe her life and what she wanted for it.

Because there were only a few words, really.  Repeated over and over and over again.









And on the other side?










The survey asked another question too.

And I debated asking it, I have to say.

Because it felt a little bit taboo.  Maybe a little nosy.

But my curiosity got the best of me.  And so I asked:

“In the last 6 months, what has been your most important investment in terms of your well-being and personal development?  Was it easy to make the decision to make this investment?  What hesitations do you have about investing in yourself in this way?” 

And once again, the responses consisted of only a few words, really.  Repeated over and over and over again.

“I can’t justify it.”

“I feel guilty spending money on myself.”

“The kids’ needs come first.”

“I don’t invest money in myself.”

You can imagine this had me feeling a bit like I was in the wrong line of business.  My coaching work with women is reliant on a decision, often long before I come into the picture, to invest in oneself.

It is reliant on a decision that life is not meant to be lived feeling busy, chaotic, scattered, overwhelmed, unsettled, uncertain, grounded, and stressed.

A decision that moreso than a pedicure or a bubble bath, the antidote to these feelings was


diving in

asking why

trying something different

feeling supported 

wanting more

seeking alignment

finding yourself

This process, and those feelings of balance, focus, bravery, confidence, calm, peace and clarity, are my enduring desire for the women I coach with.


And though I know more than anyone that the decision to invest in oneself is complex and challenging, and often very little about money and more about one’s sense of worthiness

I do know that that decision to actively engage in the transformation of your life comes with a jolt of






that feels like an electric current of possibility running through your entire body.

The Becoming Podcast has been on a short hiatus while I focus on writing my book, but oh what a comeback episode I have for you!

This month, I spoke to Toko-pa Turner, who many of you may know as the unofficial patron saint of many of my circles and gatherings because of the sheer number of times I’ve quoted from the wisdom of her book, Belonging.

Toko-pa is a Canadian author, teacher, and dreamworker. Blending the mystical teachings of Sufism in which she was raised with a Jungian approach to dreams, she founded The Dream School in 2001, from which thousands of students have graduated. She is the author of the award-winning book, Belonging: Remembering Ourselves Home, which explores the themes of exile and belonging through the lens of dreams, mythology, and nature. This book has resonated for readers worldwide, and has been translated into 10 different languages so far. Her work focuses on the relationship between psyche and nature, and how to follow our inner wisdom to meet with the social, psychological, and ecological challenges of our time.

Here’s some of what Toko-pa and I talk about in this episode:

> The dream that changed Toko-pa’s life, causing her to question her career and, ultimately, her identity

> How we can court our dreams to support us during times of radical transformation – and the reasons so many of us have a hard time remembering and working with what shows up in our dreamscape

> Toko-pa’s perspective on the message of Belonging after the divisiveness our society has experienced in the years since it was published

> What happened for both Toko-pa and I when we fell out of belonging from the ideologies of the “wellness world”

> How to build community when you’re under-resourced

> “The Big Lie” when it comes to belonging, and how we can reclaim a sense of belonging to the greater family of things, as Mary Oliver so famously wrote

Listen to the episode on iTunes


Show Notes

Toko-pa’s Website

Belonging:  Remembering Ourselves Home, Toko-pa’s book

The David Abram video about animism mentioned in the interview

Toko-pa’s self-guided program, Dream Drops

Companion, the program that accompanies Belonging


Also, while you’re at it, if you enjoy The Becoming Podcast, I would be so grateful if you would rate and review, and even subscribe to it on iTunes.  That goes a long way to helping more and more people find and benefit from hearing these interviews!  Thank you so much!