[Be]coming Home – and an invitation to a week of circling, attuning + attending to longing, liberation + possibility

Nov 13, 2018


As women, we tend to spend a lot of our time throwing ourselves under the bus.

We wear shoes that pinch


or long for – and sometimes deprive ourselves for – bodies that are not our own


we give and give and give to

our children

our communities

and we measure our value in the Difference we can make in the world,

the success that we might realize,

(especially as it’s defined by the dominant culture, which is to say:  Money.  Titles.  Accolades.  Pats on the back. Productivity. Outcomes).


All the while and all too often, there is a woman inside of us

who is calling out:


“Slow down!  Wake up!  Pick up your paintbrushes!  Listen, listen, listen!”



But we take on another project.  Forget to drink enough water.  We wear the shoes anyway.


For a lot of us, ignoring our deepest needs for nourishment, creativity, meaning, and connection

ignoring our dreams, our weirdness, our messiness, our fullness


leads to

overwhelm, illness, sadness, frustration

a feeling of being lost to yourself,

a marrow-deep longing

for something more

for less

for change.


I think it’s a longing to [be]come home to yourself.


Which is to say

To be yourself

to come home to yourself

to BE the home you have been looking for

everywhere else but in your own 

wide eyes.  hips.  feet-on-ground.  heartbeat.  fascinated mind.



To [be]come home to yourself is to remember who you are, and to connect with what matters most and what’s possible for your life.


To [be]come home is to unearth yourself from beneath the expectations, roles, responsibilities, and models of success

– those externally-defined constructs of “What Women Do” –

to get quiet enough to hear yourself again

and reclaim



I believe that women’s process of coming home to themselves

is both an individual experience, and a cultural and generational phenomenon

a critical mass of feminine rising.


In fact, I believe this process is one of reclamation

(of personal power, of the wild feminine, of joy)

and it is nothing less than a modern-day Rite of Passage for women.


But here’s the thing:

Ever since Oprah, there’s been an abundant discourse about living authentically.

And we’ve been talking about women reconnecting with their inner wild selves long before Women Who Run With the Wolves.

But what’s missing is The How.

The Becoming Podcast has been on a short hiatus while I focus on writing my book, but oh what a comeback episode I have for you!

This month, I spoke to Toko-pa Turner, who many of you may know as the unofficial patron saint of many of my circles and gatherings because of the sheer number of times I’ve quoted from the wisdom of her book, Belonging.

Toko-pa is a Canadian author, teacher, and dreamworker. Blending the mystical teachings of Sufism in which she was raised with a Jungian approach to dreams, she founded The Dream School in 2001, from which thousands of students have graduated. She is the author of the award-winning book, Belonging: Remembering Ourselves Home, which explores the themes of exile and belonging through the lens of dreams, mythology, and nature. This book has resonated for readers worldwide, and has been translated into 10 different languages so far. Her work focuses on the relationship between psyche and nature, and how to follow our inner wisdom to meet with the social, psychological, and ecological challenges of our time.

Here’s some of what Toko-pa and I talk about in this episode:

> The dream that changed Toko-pa’s life, causing her to question her career and, ultimately, her identity

> How we can court our dreams to support us during times of radical transformation – and the reasons so many of us have a hard time remembering and working with what shows up in our dreamscape

> Toko-pa’s perspective on the message of Belonging after the divisiveness our society has experienced in the years since it was published

> What happened for both Toko-pa and I when we fell out of belonging from the ideologies of the “wellness world”

> How to build community when you’re under-resourced

> “The Big Lie” when it comes to belonging, and how we can reclaim a sense of belonging to the greater family of things, as Mary Oliver so famously wrote

Listen to the episode on iTunes


Show Notes

Toko-pa’s Website

Belonging:  Remembering Ourselves Home, Toko-pa’s book

The David Abram video about animism mentioned in the interview

Toko-pa’s self-guided program, Dream Drops

Companion, the program that accompanies Belonging


Also, while you’re at it, if you enjoy The Becoming Podcast, I would be so grateful if you would rate and review, and even subscribe to it on iTunes.  That goes a long way to helping more and more people find and benefit from hearing these interviews!  Thank you so much!