Oh my love,

Even though the sight of your eyelashes against your cheeks

the little dimples on your knuckles

and the feeling of your soft, still-squishy arms wrapping around my neck

is like a balm of indescribable healing and joy for me,

I daydream so very often of the day you will go to school.

I will drop you and your sister off with hugs and kisses and carefully-packed Goldfish crackers

and I will listen to a podcast on the way back home.

I will light the fire,

and for the months of September and maybe October too, at least in my daydreams, I will lay on the couch

alternately napping and reading

and getting up to make cups of tea.

Maybe I will throw a load of laundry in

or dance to the music I like best

but mostly

I will rest.

Because right now, even though the sight of your eyelashes against your cheeks

makes me weak in the knees

my ears are full of your questions.  My mind is full of play dough recipes and playdate times and the due dates of every library book in our house.  My body is tired.  I have nudged my own life into the shadows of early mornings and late nights and

the tender reachings of the woman I am

(while also being your mama)

are becoming more insistent.

And so though I have been warned by

every mother who has gone before me

not to wish away time

just for today

just for a moment

I’m going to give myself permission to do just that.

Because intertwined in my presence

for you

is also

my longing

for me.